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marc
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Posted: Wed Dec 8th, 2004 06:28 pm |
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marc
Supporter
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Posted: Wed Dec 8th, 2004 01:50 pm |
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Chemical Analysis Of Woman
Element: woman
Symbol: Wo
Discoverer: Adam
Atomic Weight: accepted as 118 but is known to vary from 80 - 220 lbs.
Occurrence: surplus quantities in all urban areas.
Physical Properties:
- surface usually covered in painted film
- boils at nothing, freezes without reason
- melts if given proper treatment
- bitter if used incorrectly
- found in various states, ranging from virgin metal, to common (wh)'ore
Chemical Properties:
- possess great affinity for gold, silver, platinum, diamond and other precious stones
- able to absorb great quantities of expensive substances
- may explode spontaneously if left alone with a male
- insoluble in liquids but activity greatly increased by saturation in alcohol
- yields to pressure applied to correct points
Uses:
- highly ornamental, especially in sports cars
- most powerful money-reducing agent known
- can be a great aid to relaxation
Tests:
- pure specimen turns a rosy tint if discovered in natural state
- turns green if placed beside a better specimen
Caution:
- highly dangerous except in experienced hands
- illegal to posses more than one except in certain areas (Utah,etc.)
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marc
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Posted: Wed Dec 8th, 2004 01:45 pm |
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Bra Sizes
Ever wonder why ABCDEF are used to define bra sizes?
A - Almost Boobs
B - Barely there
C - Can Do
D - Damn good
E - Enormous
F - Fake
Last edited on Wed Dec 8th, 2004 01:49 pm by marc |
marc
Supporter
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Posted: Sun Dec 5th, 2004 03:24 pm |
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| Good 1 Dave.
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Randy in Pensacola
Supporter
| Joined: | Wed Nov 3rd, 2004 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 626 |
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Posted: Fri Dec 3rd, 2004 07:12 pm |
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SOUTH CAROLINA GHOST STORY
This happened about a month ago just outside a little town in the low country of South Carolina, and while it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's real?
This guy was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a real dark night in the middle of a thunder storm.. Time passed slowly and no cars went by.
It was raining so hard he could hardly see his hand in front of his face.
Suddenly he saw a car moving slowly approaching and appearing ghostlike in the rain. It slowly crept toward him and stopped. Wanting a ride real bad the guy jumped in the car and closed the door, only then did he realize that there was nobody behind the wheel. The car slowly started moving and the guy was terrified, too scared to think of jumping out and running. The guy saw that the car was slowly approaching a sharp curve, still too scared to jump out, he started to pray and begging for his life; he was sure the ghost car would go off the road and in the marsh and he would surely drown, when just before the curve, a hand appeared thru the driver's window and turned the steering wheel, guiding the car safely around the bend.
Paralyzed with fear, the guy watched the hand reappear every time they reached a curve. Finally the guy, scared to near death, had all he could take and jumped out of the car and ran to town. Wet and in shock, he went into a bar and voice quavering, ordered two shots of whiskey, then told everybody about his supernatural experience. A silence enveloped and everybody got goose bumps when they realized the guy was telling the truth and not just some drunk.
About half an hour later two guys walked into the bar and one says to the other "Look Bubba, ders dat idiot that rode in our car when we was pushin it in the rain."
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Randy in Pensacola
Supporter
| Joined: | Wed Nov 3rd, 2004 |
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| Posts: | 626 |
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Posted: Fri Dec 3rd, 2004 06:49 pm |
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Vero Steve wrote:
Dave wrote: We used to be married to the same woman?
It's possible........LMAO
I thought it looked more like my mother in law.......
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Vero Steve
Supporter
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Posted: Fri Dec 3rd, 2004 06:31 pm |
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Dave wrote: We used to be married to the same woman?
It's possible........LMAO
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marc
Supporter
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Posted: Fri Dec 3rd, 2004 04:53 pm |
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Subject: Good, Bad and Ugly
>
>1. Good: Your wife is pregnant.
> Bad: It's triplets.
> Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago.
>
>2. Good: Your wife's not talking to you.
> Bad: She wants a divorce.
> Ugly: She's a lawyer.
>
>3. Good: Your son is finally maturing.
> Bad: He's involved with the Woman next door.
> Ugly: So are you.
>
>4. Good: Your son studies a lot in his room..
> Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there.
> Ugly: You're in them.
>
>5. Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids.
> Bad: You can't find your birth control pills.
> Ugly: Your 13 year old daughter borrowed them.
>
>6. Good: Your husband understands fashion.
> Bad: He's a cross-dresser.
> Ugly: He looks better than you.
>
>7. Good: You give the "birds and bees" talk to your
> daughter.
> Bad: She keeps interrupting
> Ugly: With corrections.
>
>8. Good: The postman's early.
> Bad: He's wearing fatigues and carrying a shotgun.
> Ugly: You gave him nothing for Christmas
>
>9. Good: Your son is dating someone new.
> Bad: It's another man.
> Ugly: He's your best friend.
>
>10. Good: Your daughter got a new job.
> Bad: As a hooker.
> Ugly: Your coworkers are her best clients.
> Way ugly: She makes more money than you do.
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Babe
Supporter
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Posted: Fri Dec 3rd, 2004 03:40 pm |
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Steve tell your secretary I am sorry......I should have posted this over in the NWS!!
I tell ya what tho.....if ya got teenagers that think they know EVERYTHING.....its great! hehe I am SO very evil! I showed it to my son last nite.......he got really close to try and find the differences..........well.....anyways he made it to the bathroom in time!
I will move it...k?
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marc
Supporter
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Posted: Fri Dec 3rd, 2004 03:08 pm |
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| ROTFLMAO!! That was great!
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Vero Steve
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Posted: Fri Dec 3rd, 2004 02:58 pm |
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Babe wrote: Ok this one is REALLY tough......see if you can find the 3 differences in these two pics! I couldn't find them!! You only get a few minutes to ttry n figure it out! Let me know if any of you get it!! 
Well that scared they hell out of my secretary.....I had the speakers turn up pretty loud when the picture of my ex wife appeared...........LMAO
Last edited on Fri Dec 3rd, 2004 03:41 pm by Babe |
Abo
Supporter
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Posted: Fri Dec 3rd, 2004 01:26 pm |
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 Hey man. How do it know? Ride Free. Abo
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marc
Supporter
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Posted: Fri Dec 3rd, 2004 12:56 pm |
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| Happy Friday! Love the jokes.
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Andy
Supporter
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Posted: Fri Dec 3rd, 2004 04:05 am |
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Little Johnny jokes...
One day little johnny Walked in on his Grandmother in the bathroom And she was standing there naked and he said, " Grandma what's that?" she replys thats my beaver so he says ok and goes on... a few days later he walks in on his mother in the bathroom and she was naked also he says mommy whats that she replys THATS MY BEAVER he say's well mommy grandma has one of those too but i think it is dead it's tongue was hanging out!
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Babe
Supporter
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Posted: Fri Dec 3rd, 2004 03:11 am |
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| Wow...Dave musta figured it out!! Good job Dave! You must be the smart one on the board!!
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Babe
Supporter
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Posted: Fri Dec 3rd, 2004 12:44 am |
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Ya guys like the new mouse I got? LMAO
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Babe
Supporter
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Posted: Fri Dec 3rd, 2004 12:37 am |
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Maybe Carl is the only one who will appreciate this!!
New Survivor Show
>
> Due to the popularity of the Survivor shows, Wisconsin is
> planning to do its own, entitled "Survivor-Wisconsin Style."
>
> The contestants will start in Milwaukee, travel up to Sheboygan
> and on to Manitowoc and Green Bay.
>
> Then they will head over to Wausau and up to Rhinelander and
> Minoqua.
>
> From there they will proceed up to Ashland and Superior.
>
> Then back down through Rice Lake, Eau Claire and all the way
> down to Madison and back over to Milwaukee.
>
> Each will be driving a pink Volvo with Illinois license plates
> and a large bumper sticker that reads:
>
> "I'm gay.
> I'm a vegetarian.
> Bratwurst clogs your arteries.
> The Green Bay Packers suck.
> Go Bears!
> Cheese is high in cholesterol.
> Hillary in 2004.
> Deer hunting is wrong and I'm here to confiscate your guns!"
>
> The first one that makes it back to Milwaukee alive wins.
>
> Good luck to all contestants!
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Vero Steve
Supporter
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Posted: Thu Dec 2nd, 2004 11:29 pm |
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| I just hope I live long enough to see my girls with teenage daughters of their own............Payback is a bitch.........LOL
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Randy in Pensacola
Supporter
| Joined: | Wed Nov 3rd, 2004 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 626 |
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Posted: Thu Dec 2nd, 2004 10:01 pm |
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This joke is for all of us that have teenage daughters.........
A mother passed by her daughter's bedroom and was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then she saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed. It was addressed "Mom". With the worst premonition she opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:
Dear Mom,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I am writing you. I had to elope with my new boyfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with you and dad. I have been finding real passion with John and he is so nice--even with all of his tattoos, piercing, beard and his motorcycle clothes. But not only the passion mom, I'm pregnant and John said that we will be very happy.
He already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too.
John taught me that marijuana does not really hurt anyone and we will be growing it for us and trading it with his friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so that John can get better; he sure deserves it!!
Don't worry mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we will be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.
Your daughter,
Judith
PS: Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worst things in life than my report card which is in my desk drawer.
I love you!! Call me when it is safe for me to come home.
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marc
Supporter
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Posted: Thu Dec 2nd, 2004 09:16 pm |
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Not bad.
Bush or Kerry
There's a teacher in a small Texas town. She asks her class how many of them are Bush fans.
Not really knowing what a Bush fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raise their hands except one boy--Johnny.
The teacher asks Johnny why he has decided to be different. Johnny says, "I'm not a Bush fan."
The teacher says, "Why aren't you a Bush fan?"
Johnny says, "I'm a John F. Kerry fan." The teacher asks why he's a Kerry fan. The boy says, "Well, my mom's a Kerry fan, and my Dad's a Kerry fan, so I'm a Kerry fan!"
The teacher is kind of angry, because this is Texas, so she says, "What if you're Mom was a moron, and you're dad was an idiot, what would that make you?"
Johnny says, "That would make me a Bush fan."
Last edited on Thu Dec 2nd, 2004 09:20 pm by marc |
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