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Vero Steve
Supporter
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Posted: Thu Dec 2nd, 2004 10:29 pm |
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| I just hope I live long enough to see my girls with teenage daughters of their own............Payback is a bitch.........LOL
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Randy in Pensacola
Supporter
| Joined: | Wed Nov 3rd, 2004 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 861 |
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Posted: Thu Dec 2nd, 2004 09:01 pm |
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This joke is for all of us that have teenage daughters.........
A mother passed by her daughter's bedroom and was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then she saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed. It was addressed "Mom". With the worst premonition she opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:
Dear Mom,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I am writing you. I had to elope with my new boyfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with you and dad. I have been finding real passion with John and he is so nice--even with all of his tattoos, piercing, beard and his motorcycle clothes. But not only the passion mom, I'm pregnant and John said that we will be very happy.
He already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too.
John taught me that marijuana does not really hurt anyone and we will be growing it for us and trading it with his friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so that John can get better; he sure deserves it!!
Don't worry mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we will be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.
Your daughter,
Judith
PS: Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worst things in life than my report card which is in my desk drawer.
I love you!! Call me when it is safe for me to come home.
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marc
Supporter
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Posted: Thu Dec 2nd, 2004 08:16 pm |
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Not bad.
Bush or Kerry
There's a teacher in a small Texas town. She asks her class how many of them are Bush fans.
Not really knowing what a Bush fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raise their hands except one boy--Johnny.
The teacher asks Johnny why he has decided to be different. Johnny says, "I'm not a Bush fan."
The teacher says, "Why aren't you a Bush fan?"
Johnny says, "I'm a John F. Kerry fan." The teacher asks why he's a Kerry fan. The boy says, "Well, my mom's a Kerry fan, and my Dad's a Kerry fan, so I'm a Kerry fan!"
The teacher is kind of angry, because this is Texas, so she says, "What if you're Mom was a moron, and you're dad was an idiot, what would that make you?"
Johnny says, "That would make me a Bush fan."
Last edited on Thu Dec 2nd, 2004 08:20 pm by marc |
Babe
Supporter
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Posted: Wed Dec 1st, 2004 09:31 pm |
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Uh....Dave...I searched out some prices.....lol....um....you don't really want those balloons...k? The cheapest ones I could find (that would actually hold up, and not fall apart) were over $600/each. They would be cheaper if you were buying alot of them at a time. Those were custom ones. I am sure you could find them somewhere online!! Just maybe regular old balloons. The ones we can get are made for advertising, and are pretty weather hardy. More on the order of small blimps.
You gotta admit.....those are a great advertising promo!! They attract attention!
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marc
Supporter
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Posted: Wed Dec 1st, 2004 07:46 pm |
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George W. Bush was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing, and landed in the creek below. Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, 3 kids who were fishing pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted.
The first kid said, "I want to go to Disneyland." George W. said, "No problem. I'll take you there on Air Force One".
The second kid said, "I want a new pair of Nike Air Jordan's." George W. said, "I'll get them for you and even have Michael sign them!"
The third kid said, "I want a motorized wheelchair with a built in TV and stereo headset!" George W. was a little perplexed by this and said, "But you don't look like you are handicapped." The kid replied, "I will be, after my dad finds out I saved your ass from drowning!"
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marc
Supporter
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Posted: Wed Dec 1st, 2004 07:21 pm |
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TOP TEN THINGS MEN WOULD DO IF THEY WOKE UP WITH A VAGINA FOR A DAY...
10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.
9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half.
8. See if they could finally do the splits.
7. See if it's truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet.
6. Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch.
5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes ... BEFORE closing time.
4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first.
3. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video.
2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts too.
1. Finally find that damned G-spot.
TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND...
10. Cats' facial expressions
9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors
8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds
7. Fat clothes
6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time
5. The difference between beige, off-white, and eggshell
4. Cutting your bangs to make them grow
3. Eyelash curlers
2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made
1. OTHER WOMEN
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marc
Supporter
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Posted: Wed Dec 1st, 2004 01:37 pm |
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Little Johnny raises his hand, and with a confident smile he blurts out, "You'd be his wife!"
LMAO.....Little Johnny gets a gold star!
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Babe
Supporter
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Posted: Wed Dec 1st, 2004 12:10 am |
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| You goof Dave.....lol I will look at work tomorrow...k? After a quick search here at home, all I can find is red white and blue foil balloons....LOL They are pretty cheap, but would prolly fall apart right away! I have a company catalog at work, for a place that makes custom balloons....will look for ya. *rolls eyes*
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Babe
Supporter
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Posted: Tue Nov 30th, 2004 11:37 pm |
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Oh ya had to ask didnt ya Dave?.....LOL....we can actually get custom made balloons!! So yeah we could actually get those for ya.....but they aint cheap!!! In fact they are outrageously priced! LOL...leave it to you Dave!
Ya know....a good idea for Randy.....since he is cranky with the no-smoking thing going on......we attach those rocket/balloons to his truck(or pontoon...lol) and I will cut some decals for his truck....that say "I AM TRYING TO QUIT SMOKING.....BACK OFF"
I couldnt have been a little more creative.....but this IS the general posts.....use your imagination!! lol......just kidding with ya Randy...yer doin great...hang in there!!! I need to be next!! ;-) Then watch out!! PMS & Nic cravings mixed.....whoooohooo!
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marc
Supporter
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Posted: Tue Nov 30th, 2004 04:58 pm |
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| Definately an attention getter.
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marc
Supporter
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Posted: Tue Nov 30th, 2004 04:12 pm |
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| God bless em.... I'm sure some sucker out there will give it a shot.
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Randy in Pensacola
Supporter
| Joined: | Wed Nov 3rd, 2004 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 861 |
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Posted: Tue Nov 30th, 2004 04:04 pm |
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http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=50341&item=5938873003&rd=1&ssPageName=WDVW
If he can get paid for this, I think we found what we can do to be rich.... We all have wives that love to give thier opinion for free........Now all we have to say is "Baby, shut up unless you are being paid for it" We dont give free samples.........LOL........I need a smoke.....
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marc
Supporter
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Posted: Mon Nov 29th, 2004 06:11 pm |
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A Highway Patrolman waited outside a popular biker bar, hoping for a bust. At closing time everyone come out and he spotted his potential quarry. The man was so obviously inebriated that he could barely walk. He stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, looking for his motorcycle.
After trying his keys on five other bikes, he finally found his own bike. He sat on his motorcycle in a good ten minutes, as the other patrons left. He turned his lights on, then off, and again on and off. He started his engine and pull forward into the grass, then stopped. Finally, he pulled out onto the road and started to drive away. The patrolman, waiting for this, turned on his lights and pulled the man over. He administered the breathalyzer test, and to his great surprise, the man blew a 0.00. The patrolman was dumbfounded. "This equipment must be broken!" he exclaimed. "I doubt it," said the man, "You see, tonight I am the designated decoy... I haven't had a drink all day!"
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marc
Supporter
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Posted: Sun Nov 28th, 2004 02:46 pm |
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| These are great!
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marc
Supporter
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Posted: Sun Nov 28th, 2004 02:44 pm |
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| Guess we all hate those bastards.
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marc
Supporter
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Posted: Sun Nov 28th, 2004 02:29 pm |
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Q) What do you call 2,500 lawyers chained to an anchor heading to the bottom of the sea?
A) A good start!
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marc
Supporter
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Posted: Sun Nov 28th, 2004 01:58 pm |
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| Dave, ya got me with this 1. I was away for 3 days and this was the first thing I saw. Damn near shit in my pants.
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Vero Steve
Supporter
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Posted: Fri Nov 19th, 2004 05:59 pm |
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| Well at least you could use those panties to cover your bike..........LMAO
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marc
Supporter
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Posted: Fri Nov 19th, 2004 05:29 pm |
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| I could never get that drunk. I'd visit Rosy Palm and her 5 horney sisters before getin anywhere near that. Some may say any port in a storm but that is 1 port I can't imagine visiting. God, that is nasty!
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marc
Supporter
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Posted: Fri Nov 19th, 2004 02:14 pm |
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Many Thanx Dave. Guess i'm still a dickhead. ROTFLMAO!
Happy Friday Everyone.
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