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marc
Supporter
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Posted: Wed Feb 2nd, 2005 04:13 pm |
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1. The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why
Jewish women like Chinese food so much. The study
revealed that this is due to the fact that Won Ton
spelled backward is "Not Now."
2. There is a big controversy on the Jewish view
of when life begins. In Jewish tradition, the
fetus
is not considered viable until it graduates from
medical school.
3. Q: Why don't Jewish mothers drink?
A: Alcohol interferes with their suffering.
4. Q: Have you seen the newest Jewish
American-Princess horror movie?
A: It's called "Debbie Does Dishes."
5. Q: Why do Jewish mothers make great parole
officers?
A: They never let anyone finish a sentence.
6. Q: What's a Jewish American Princess's favorite
position?
A: Facing Bloomingdale's.
7. When the doctor called Mrs. Liebenbaum to tell her
that her check came back, she replied, "So did my
arthritis."
8. A man called his mother in Florida, "Mom, how are
you?"
"Not too good," said the mother. "I've been very
weak."
The son said, "Why are you so weak?"
She said, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days."
The son said, "That's terrible. Why haven't you
eaten in 38 days?"
The mother answered, "Because I didn't want my
mouth to be filled with food if you should call."
9. A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his
mother he has a part in the play.
She asks, "What part is it?"
The boy says, "I play the part of the Jewish
husband."
The mother scowls and says, "Go back and tell the
teacher you want a speaking part."
10. Q: Where does a Jewish husband hide money from his
wife?
A: Under the vacuum cleaner.
11. Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to change
a light bulb?
A: (Sigh) Don't bother. I'll sit in the dark. I
don't want to be a nuisance to anybody.
12. Short summary of every Jewish holiday:
They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat.
13. Did you hear about the bum who walked up to a
Jewish mother on the street and said, "Lady I haven't
eaten in three days."
"Force yourself," she replied.
14. Q: What's the difference between a Rottweiler and
a
Jewish mother?
A: Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.
15. Jewish telegram: "Begin worrying. Details to
follow."
16. Q: Why are Jewish Men circumcised?
A: Because Jewish women don't like anything that
isn't 20% off.
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marc
Supporter
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Posted: Tue Feb 1st, 2005 04:37 pm |
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Never smile when you ride!
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marc
Supporter
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Posted: Mon Jan 31st, 2005 04:40 pm |
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Now this is a real tragedy!
I may have posted this before.....LOL...
A three year old boy is taking a bath with his Mom. As he was examining his testicles he asked, "Mommy, are these my brains?"
His Mommy replied, "Not yet, honey."
Last edited on Mon Jan 31st, 2005 04:50 pm by marc |
marc
Supporter
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Posted: Sat Jan 29th, 2005 01:46 pm |
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Subject: New Drugs for Women
D A M N I T O L
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.
ST. M O M M A'S W O R T
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.
E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding
you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they
moved out.
P E P T O B I M B O
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed
before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents
conception.
D U M B E R O L
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.
F L I P I T O R
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge
to flip off other drivers.
M E N I C I L L I N
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal
lines as, "You make me want to be a better person. Can we get naked now?"
BUYAGRA
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.
J A C K A S S P I R I N
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat.
A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share
their life stories with total strangers in elevators.
N A G A M E N T
When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him.
Last edited on Sat Jan 29th, 2005 01:55 pm by marc |
Andy
Supporter
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Posted: Sat Jan 29th, 2005 12:48 am |
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What is she eating??? Attachment: Bushgirls.jpg (Downloaded 122 times)
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marc
Supporter
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Posted: Fri Jan 28th, 2005 05:03 pm |
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Bush FansThere's a teacher in a small Texas town. She asks her class how many of them are Bush fans. Not really knowing what a Bush fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raise their hands except one boy, Johnny. The teacher asks Johnny why he has decided to be different. Johnny says, "I'm not a bush fan."
The teacher says, "Why aren't you a bush fan?"
Johnny says, "I'm an Al Gore fan."
The teacher asks why he's an Al Gore fan. The boy says, "Well, my mom's an Al Gore fan and my dad's an Al Gore fan, so I'm an Al Gore fan!" The teacher is kind of angry, because this is Texas, so she says, "What if you're mom was a moron and you're dad was an idiot, what would that make you?"
Johnny says, "That would make me a Bush fan."
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Dave
Supporter
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Posted: Sat Jan 22nd, 2005 12:15 pm |
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Ok, we were a little slow at work yesterday. So, reading the news on CNN, I found this story about SpongeBob...
http://www.cnn.com/2005/SHOWBIZ/TV/01/20/sponge.bob.reut/index.html
One of the guys at work is a huge SpongeBob fan. I guess that happened when his 2 year-old daughter became a fan of the show. So, being the sensitive guys that we are in the department, with pretty much unlimited computer skills and vast resources. We came up with this.
http://mypages.championbroadband.com/vip/~dmiller/spongebob_cnn.htm
What are friends for? LOL
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marc
Supporter
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Posted: Fri Jan 21st, 2005 05:44 pm |
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Redneck Hearse
Last edited on Fri Jan 21st, 2005 05:47 pm by marc |
Babe
Supporter
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Posted: Wed Jan 19th, 2005 01:38 pm |
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| I got 77 meters......and none puked on me! LOL
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Andy
Supporter
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Posted: Wed Jan 19th, 2005 12:49 pm |
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My drunk buddies usually puke on me when I try to get them home...
I feel so special...
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marc
Supporter
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Posted: Wed Jan 19th, 2005 12:28 am |
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| I'm a lousy drunk walker.
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weasle
Supporter
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Posted: Tue Jan 18th, 2005 10:22 pm |
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| whhhaaaaaaaaaaaa damned germans is hard to handle. LMAO
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Mikey
Supporter
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Posted: Tue Jan 18th, 2005 08:46 pm |
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Drunk Test..use yer mouse to walk the drunk...LMAO
http://www.wagenschenke.ch/index2.htm
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marc
Supporter
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Posted: Mon Jan 17th, 2005 06:42 pm |
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marc
Supporter
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Posted: Thu Jan 6th, 2005 07:51 pm |
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Last edited on Thu Jan 6th, 2005 07:58 pm by marc |
marc
Supporter
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Posted: Wed Jan 5th, 2005 03:35 pm |
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Last edited on Thu Jan 6th, 2005 06:58 pm by marc |
marc
Supporter
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Posted: Tue Jan 4th, 2005 04:44 pm |
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Afternoon nap.
"Of course some officers train their dogs
to go for the throat!"
"How long have you been in?"
Last edited on Tue Jan 4th, 2005 04:49 pm by marc |
marc
Supporter
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Posted: Sat Jan 1st, 2005 09:30 pm |
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"Aren't you done yet? How hard is it to draw an eagle and
a snake? I should have gone somewhere else!
What are you stupid? Hurry up you moron!"
If you look, this fool is barefoot, on a metal ladder
in a pool with an electric drill.
"Hey babe, the contraceptive foam
is supposed to go inside of me!"
"Be careful! I hear there's a pervert in the building!"
How To Launch a JetSki
You've got an SUV - you don't no stinking
trailer. Just fold the seats down, load your
jet ski into the back and drive to the water
Open the doors and back into the water.
Back in far enough that your SUV starts to
fill with water. When it is about half way full
of water, your jet ski should float right out.
It helps to have a friend point and remind
you the way back to the land (dry stuff).
If you drive the wrong way, your SUV will
fill up with water. Important - you must get
out or you will drown (that's a bad thing).
If your SUV does completely submerge,
leave it there. The next person may hit it
with their boat and you can sue them. You
can then go to court and tell everyone how
completely stupid you are.
Last edited on Sat Jan 1st, 2005 09:50 pm by marc |
marc
Supporter
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Posted: Fri Dec 31st, 2004 03:34 pm |
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Last edited on Fri Dec 31st, 2004 03:43 pm by marc |
Vero Steve
Supporter
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Posted: Tue Dec 28th, 2004 01:24 pm |
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| Damn that was an old post.....Thats amazing Willie......She's back down here for the Holidays haunting me all over again..........LOL
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