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Redd
Supporter
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Posted: Thu Sep 9th, 2010 03:18 pm |
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Randy in Pensacola wrote: Redd, you just aint right man.....LOL
Believe it or not Randy, ur not the 1st person ever said that. Lol. I'll admit that 1 was a little bit borderline.
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jeffy ole boy
Supporter
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Posted: Thu Sep 9th, 2010 03:02 pm |
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Randy in Pensacola wrote: Redd, you just aint right man.....LOL LOL!!! Redd comes up with some good ones.... That there's funny I don't care who you are......
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Randy in Pensacola
Super Moderator
| Joined: | Wed Nov 3rd, 2004 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 675 |
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Offline
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Posted: Thu Sep 9th, 2010 11:24 am |
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| Redd, you just aint right man.....LOL
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Redd
Supporter
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Posted: Thu Sep 9th, 2010 03:17 am |
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The Jumper...
Truck driver sees a girl about to jump off a bridge so he stops.
"What are you doing?" he says.
"I'm trying to commit suicide," she says.
"Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a blow job."
So, she does.
After she's finished, the trucker says, "Wow! That's a wasted talent. Why are you committing suicide?"
"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl.....
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Dave
Super Moderator
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Posted: Tue Aug 31st, 2010 11:01 am |
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jeffy ole boy wrote:
I heard Dave went to the Emmy awards in LA Sunday nite  LMAO!!!
I never even pay attention to that crap. Let alone waste my time/money going to that show...
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jeffy ole boy
Supporter
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Posted: Mon Aug 30th, 2010 01:17 pm |
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| I heard Dave went to the Emmy awards in LA Sunday nite
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jeffy ole boy
Supporter
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Posted: Fri Aug 27th, 2010 12:26 pm |
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empty wrote: Randy in Pensacola wrote: A beautiful woman walks into a store. While one of the salesmen helps her try on a pair of shoes, he glances up her skirt to find she's commando! Suddenly he slips up and says, "I'd like to fill your pussy with ice cream and lick it all out!" Hearing this, the woman runs out and tells her husband what he said, then adds, "Now go kick his ass!" He replies, "I'm not fuckin' with anyone who can eat that much ice cream!" Was her name Linda? Whos's that old an old girlfriend ? Linda Lovelace ? We need answers here... Lmao
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empty
Supporter
| Joined: | Tue Jun 28th, 2005 |
| Location: | Plano, Texas USA |
| Posts: | 1618 |
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Posted: Wed Aug 25th, 2010 11:55 pm |
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Randy in Pensacola wrote: A beautiful woman walks into a store. While one of the salesmen helps her try on a pair of shoes, he glances up her skirt to find she's commando! Suddenly he slips up and says, "I'd like to fill your pussy with ice cream and lick it all out!" Hearing this, the woman runs out and tells her husband what he said, then adds, "Now go kick his ass!" He replies, "I'm not fuckin' with anyone who can eat that much ice cream!" Was her name Linda?
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Randy in Pensacola
Super Moderator
| Joined: | Wed Nov 3rd, 2004 |
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| Posts: | 675 |
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Offline
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Posted: Wed Aug 25th, 2010 10:13 pm |
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| A beautiful woman walks into a store. While one of the salesmen helps her try on a pair of shoes, he glances up her skirt to find she's commando! Suddenly he slips up and says, "I'd like to fill your pussy with ice cream and lick it all out!" Hearing this, the woman runs out and tells her husband what he said, then adds, "Now go kick his ass!" He replies, "I'm not fuckin' with anyone who can eat that much ice cream!"
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jeffy ole boy
Supporter
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Posted: Tue Aug 10th, 2010 05:18 pm |
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Vero Steve wrote: marc wrote: "Chelsea's Wedding"
Before Chelsea's wedding on July 31st...
Hillary wanted to play the perfect Mom.
She asked Chelsea... "have you had sex with Marc?"
Chelsea said.... "Not according to Dad!"
I wonder how much it cost them to get somebody to marry that dog...............Woof..
Went to the highest bidder, LOL!
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Vero Steve
Super Moderator
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Posted: Tue Aug 10th, 2010 02:10 pm |
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marc wrote: "Chelsea's Wedding"
Before Chelsea's wedding on July 31st...
Hillary wanted to play the perfect Mom.
She asked Chelsea... "have you had sex with Marc?"
Chelsea said.... "Not according to Dad!"
I wonder how much it cost them to get somebody to marry that dog...............Woof..
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marc
Supporter
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Posted: Sun Aug 8th, 2010 03:48 pm |
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"Chelsea's Wedding"
Before Chelsea's wedding on July 31st...
Hillary wanted to play the perfect Mom.
She asked Chelsea... "have you had sex with Marc?"
Chelsea said.... "Not according to Dad!"
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marc
Supporter
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Posted: Sun Aug 8th, 2010 03:46 pm |
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"Why sharks circle....."
before they attack.
Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken ship. "Follow me son" the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people. "First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing." And they did. "Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing." And they did. "Now we eat everybody." And they did.
When they were both gorged, the son asked,"Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?"
His wise father replied, "Because they taste better without the shit inside!"
Now you know
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jeffy ole boy
Supporter
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Posted: Tue Aug 3rd, 2010 03:46 pm |
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| Thats always good to have anytime,
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Randy in Pensacola
Super Moderator
| Joined: | Wed Nov 3rd, 2004 |
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| Posts: | 675 |
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Posted: Tue Aug 3rd, 2010 02:56 pm |
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Sex Tape
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Dave
Super Moderator
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Posted: Tue Aug 3rd, 2010 12:15 pm |
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Chelsea's wedding was coming up July 31st...
Hillary wanted to play the perfect Mom
She asked Chelsea... "have you had sex with Marc?"
Chelsea said.... "Not according to Dad"
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marc
Supporter
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Posted: Sat Jul 17th, 2010 02:01 pm |
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1. Guns are used in self-defense over 2 million times a year. However, this makes the attempted crime a "non-event," which necessarily complicates the Police investigation. Without civilian ownership of guns, these Police investigations would not have been compromised. Civilians should leave crime prevention to the Police, who are properly equipped to investigate following the crime's completion.
2. Some .004 % (4/1000 of 1%) of guns are used in crime each year. This is way too high. All guns should be banned.
3. Guns are unnecessary. In 98% of civilian gun defenses, no shot is fired. If you are not going to fire a shot, you clearly don't need a gun. This proves that the guns are unnecessary. Banning guns will prevent these unnecessary defenses.
4. Guns cause criminal migration. In tough gun-law Washington, D. C., violent crime rates are very high. This high crime rate is caused by the migration of criminals from gun havens like Virginia. This migration is caused by the criminal's
cowardly avoidance of armed householders and concealed-carry civilians. This criminal migration is detrimental to helpless unarmed citizens in no-gun areas and must be stopped. Therefore, guns should be banned everywhere.
5. Most gun crimes are committed by inner city gangs and drug dealers. These relatively small and geographically restricted groups consistently commit the majority of gun crimes, which usually peak as turf wars erupt over Drug War changes. The best way to prevent this is by denying guns to all law abiding people everywhere.
6. No woman needs to protect herself from rape, assault or murder. The Police will protect women by investigating the crime after the fact. Remember, Police paperwork is all the protection anyone really needs.
7. Guns owners are disrespectful of authority. Good citizens should completely rely on the authorities. A failure to do so is an invariable sign of improper and overly independent attitudes. Failure to completely and absolutely trust and depend on the authorities is excessive democracy and sends a bad message to children.
8. Guns owners engaging in self-defense are taking the law into their own hands. This is wrong. Only the Police and Criminals have the right to take the law into their own hands. Guns should be kept out of the hands of law abiding citizens.
9. Children and young people should remain ignorant about guns. Real guns and real gun knowledge dissipate the fantasies created by violent video games and TV. Ignorance, once lost, can never be restored and needs to be protected. Not to mention the lost sales of all the violent movies, TV shows, video games, etc!
10. Guns reduce people's reliance on the Police and Government. This fosters a mistaken belief in "rights". No person has the right to question authority. No person should be less than 100% dependent on authority. This is fundamental to social order. Banning guns will help to establish the Order the authorities want. This is good.
A satire by Bruce Gold.
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jeffy ole boy
Supporter
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Posted: Wed Jul 7th, 2010 07:28 pm |
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A real man is a woman's best friend. He will
never stand her up and never let her down.
He will reassure her when she feels insecure
and comfort her after a bad day.
He will inspire her to do things she never
thought she could do; to live without fear
and forget regret. He will enable her to
express her deepest emotions and give in to
her most intimate desires. He will make sure
she always feels as though she's the most
beautiful woman in the room and will enable
her to be the most confident, sexy,
seductive, and invincible.
No wait... sorry...
I'm thinking of wine. Never mind.
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Redd
Supporter
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Posted: Sun Jun 20th, 2010 11:25 pm |
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The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very
excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a
talk on productive salesmanship.
Little Sally led off: "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30," she
said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's
civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success."
"Very good," said the teacher.
Little Jenny was next: "I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and
I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current
events."
"Very good, Jenny," said the teacher..
Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath ....
Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box
full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467," he said.
"$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling"
"Toothbrushes," said Little Johnny.
"Toothbrushes," echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell
enough tooth brushes to make that much money?"
"I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny, "I set up a
Dip & Chip stand, I gave everybody who walked by a free sample. They
all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like dog shit!" Then I
would say, "It is dog shit. Wanna buy a toothbrush?"
"I used the governmental approach of giving you something shitty that
they say is good, and then making you pay to get the shitty taste out
of your mouth.
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marc
Supporter
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Posted: Mon Jun 7th, 2010 12:57 am |
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LOL...From another board...
APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER
NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage and current medical report from your doctor. Please be prepared to submit additional information (like psychological profile and polygraph test) as required.
-------------------------------------------------------
Name:___________________________
Date of Birth:______________________
Height:____________ Weight:____________
I.Q.___________ GPA:_________
Social Security Number:___________________
Driver's License #:____________
Boy Scout Rank:___________________________________________________
Home Address:____________________________
City:____________________
State:____________________________
Zip Code:_______________________
How far can you run: 40 yards?_______________
2 miles?___________________
#8 Do you own a (A)Van?____ (B)Truck with oversized tires?_____ (C)Waterbed?_____
Do you have an earing, nose ring or belly button ring?__________ Tatoo?_________
NOTE: If you answered YES to any part of questions #8, discontinue the application process and leave the premises!
In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?__________________________
_________________________________________________________________
In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you?__
_________________________________________________________________
In 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you?__________________
_________________________________________________________________
Church you Attend:___________________
How often do you attend?____________
When would be the best time to interview your father, mother and minister?_________
Answer by filling in the blanks. Please answer freely. All answers are confidential.
(That means I won't tell anyone, ever)
If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want to be wounded is the__________.
If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is___________________________.
A Women's place is in the _________________________.
The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is__________________.
In the unfortunate event of my untimely death, I would like______________to be contacted.
My greatest fear is__________________________________________.
When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is her___________________.
NOTE: If the answer to the last question begins with a "B", discontinue the application process and leave the premises.
Keep your head low; running in a serpentine fashion is advised.
What do you want to be "IF" you grow up?____________________________
Have you ever been fingerprinted?______
Had a DNA sample taken and recorded?_________
Your dentist is__________________
Emergency phone #_________________________
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT, UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE,
ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE AND/OR HOT POKERS.
Signature________________________
Thank you for your interest. Please allow 5-7 years for processing.
You will be contacted in writing if you are approved.
Please do not try to call or write.
(It could cause disqualification and injury to your body.)
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