| Author | Post |
|---|
empty
Supporter
| Joined: | Tue Jun 28th, 2005 |
| Location: | Plano, Texas USA |
| Posts: | 1618 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
|
Posted: Wed Nov 24th, 2010 03:42 pm |
|
Father O'Malley rose from his bed. It was a fine spring day in his new Washington DC parish.
He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of air and to see the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn.
He promptly called the US House of Representatives for assistance.
The conversation went like this: "Good morning. This is Speaker Pelosi. How might I help you?"
"And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St.Brigid's.. There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn. Would ye be so kind as to send a couple o' yer lads to take care of the matter?"
Speaker Pelosi, considering herself to be quite a wit, replied with a smirk, "Well now father, it was always my impression that you people took care of last rites!"
There was dead silence on the line for a long moment.
Father O'Malley then replied: "Aye, that's certainly true, but we are also obliged to first notify the next of kin."
|
the preacher
Supporter
| Joined: | Wed Oct 17th, 2007 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 718 |
| Status: |
Online
|
|
Posted: Sat Nov 20th, 2010 02:16 pm |
|
This little Vampire Bat comes back to the cave after a night of hunting, and he is completely covered in blood, nose to tail. He finds his spot on the ceiling, hooks in, and goes to sleep. Unfortunately, the blood smell wakes up all his relatives in the cave who start nagging..."where did ya find it, huh? huh? huh?" Come'on, where did ya find it, come on, tell us, tell us, tell us" Realizing he is going to get NO sleep, he says, "OK, OK, OK, follow me" and flies out.
He flies out of the deepest part of the forest until he is near the BIGGEST Oak tree anyone had ever seen! This thing was like 4 feet across, and 100 feet high before the first branch! A MONSTER of a tree!!! He says, "You see that big tree right there?"
"I didn't"
|
marc
Supporter
|
Posted: Sat Oct 30th, 2010 09:52 pm |
|
Saw this on another board...
If you stare at this picture long enough you will see a giraffe, give it a try.
|
Dave
Super Moderator
|
Posted: Sat Oct 30th, 2010 04:53 pm |
|
weasle1 wrote:
LOL, yer a real pal dave , thanks for the early christmass preasant. Any time buddy...LMAO!
|
weasle1
Supporter
| Joined: | Sun Sep 21st, 2008 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 741 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
|
Posted: Sat Oct 30th, 2010 03:34 pm |
|
| LOL, yer a real pal dave , thanks for the early christmass preasant.
|
Dave
Super Moderator
|
Posted: Thu Oct 28th, 2010 09:06 pm |
|
weasle1 wrote:
damned randy where did ya get that ?? i want one for christmass. Here ya go Weasle, I'll give ya one now. No special reason either and I don't need anything in return...LOL
Now ya can't say I never gave ya anything...
|
jeffy ole boy
Supporter
|
Posted: Thu Oct 28th, 2010 08:53 pm |
|
weasle1 wrote: damned randy where did ya get that ?? i want one for christmass. The middle finger ?  LOL!
|
weasle1
Supporter
| Joined: | Sun Sep 21st, 2008 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 741 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
|
Posted: Wed Oct 27th, 2010 05:44 pm |
|
| damned randy where did ya get that ?? i want one for christmass.
|
Randy in Pensacola
Super Moderator
| Joined: | Wed Nov 3rd, 2004 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 675 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
|
Posted: Wed Oct 27th, 2010 10:34 am |
|
jeffy ole boy wrote:
Only 58 shopping days left til Christmas!  No joke... It'll be day 55 before I begin, LOL!
|
jeffy ole boy
Supporter
|
Posted: Wed Oct 27th, 2010 01:52 am |
|
Only 58 shopping days left til Christmas! No joke... It'll be day 55 before I begin, LOL!
|
jeffy ole boy
Supporter
|
Posted: Tue Oct 26th, 2010 05:04 pm |
|
I stopped by the Toyota Dealership yesterday for a look at the new Tacoma.
Just for fun, I took it out for a test drive. I wanted to sense that new
"feel" before they become extinct.
The salesman (wearing an Obama "change" lapel pin) sat in the passenger
seat describing the truck and all its "wonderful" options. The seats were
of particular interest. He explained that the seats directed warm air to
your butt in the winter and directed cool air to your butt in the summer heat.
Feeling like messing with his mind, I mentioned that this must be a
Republican truck. Looking a bit angry, he asked why I thought it was a
Republican truck. I explained that if it were a Democrat truck, the seats
would blow smoke up your ass year-round.
I had to walk back to the dealership. Damn guy had no sense of humor.
Get Out and vote November 2nd
|
Dave
Super Moderator
|
Posted: Mon Oct 11th, 2010 12:23 pm |
|
I was testing children in my Dublin Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven. I asked them, 'If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?'
' NO!' the children answered.
' If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the garden, and kept everything tidy, would that get me into heaven?'
Again, the answer was 'NO!'
By now I was starting to smile. 'Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave sweets to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into heaven?
Again, they all answered 'NO!'.
I was just bursting with pride for them. I continued, '
Then how can I get into heaven?'
A six year-old boy shouted out: "YUV GOTTA BE FOOKN' DEAD "
|
empty
Supporter
| Joined: | Tue Jun 28th, 2005 |
| Location: | Plano, Texas USA |
| Posts: | 1618 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
|
Posted: Fri Sep 24th, 2010 08:24 pm |
|
Q. How many gay men does it take to put in a light bulb?
A. Just one, but it takes an entire emergency room staff to get it out.
|
empty
Supporter
| Joined: | Tue Jun 28th, 2005 |
| Location: | Plano, Texas USA |
| Posts: | 1618 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
|
Posted: Sat Sep 18th, 2010 04:15 pm |
|
[size=The Pope and Nancy Pelosi are on the same stage in Yankee Stadium in front of a huge crowd.
The Pope leans towards Mrs. Pelosi and said, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, but will go deep into their hearts and they'll forever speak of this day and rejoice!"
Pelosi replied, "I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show
me!"
][size=So the Pope backhanded the bitch--]
[size=AND THE CROWD ROARED & CHEERED WILDLY....]
|
jeffy ole boy
Supporter
|
Posted: Thu Sep 16th, 2010 01:21 pm |
|
An Arabic family was considering putting their grandfather (Abdullah) in a nursing home. All the Arabic facilities
were completely full so they had to put him in an Italian home.
After a few weeks in the Italian facility, they came to visit Grandpa. 'How do you like it here?' asks the grandson.
'It's wonderful! Everyone here is so courteous and respectful says grandpa.
'We're so happy for you. We were worried that this was the wrong place for you. You know, since you are a little
different from everyone.
''Oh, no! Let me tell you about how wonderfully they treat the residents", Abdullah says with a big smile.
'There's a musician here- he's 85 years old. He hasn't played the violin in 20 years and everyone still calls him 'Maestro'!
'There is a judge in here -- he's 95 years old. He hasn't been on the bench in 30 years and everyone still calls him 'Your Honor'!
''There's a dentist here 90 years old. He hasn't fixed a tooth for 25 years and everyone still calls him Doctor!
'And me -- I haven't had sex for 35 years and they still call me 'The Fucking Arab'."
|
jeffy ole boy
Supporter
|
Posted: Thu Sep 9th, 2010 10:45 pm |
|
That wadn't very nice what I said there.... She is cute in the face...
|
jeffy ole boy
Supporter
|
Posted: Thu Sep 9th, 2010 09:59 pm |
|
Randy in Pensacola wrote: empty wrote:
Randy in Pensacola wrote: Redd, you just aint right man.....LOL Don't be asking strangers for blowjobs.
Stand a better chance of a yes than at home with the OL....LOL Just plain more fun too... as long as the giver is a female.... Hhahahaaa!!Long as she aint this gal here on back of this feller... Attachment: Ole John.jpg (Downloaded 185 times)
|
Randy in Pensacola
Super Moderator
| Joined: | Wed Nov 3rd, 2004 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 675 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
|
Posted: Thu Sep 9th, 2010 09:28 pm |
|
empty wrote:
Randy in Pensacola wrote: Redd, you just aint right man.....LOL Don't be asking strangers for blowjobs.
Stand a better chance of a yes than at home with the OL....LOL
|
empty
Supporter
| Joined: | Tue Jun 28th, 2005 |
| Location: | Plano, Texas USA |
| Posts: | 1618 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
|
Posted: Thu Sep 9th, 2010 09:22 pm |
|
Randy in Pensacola wrote: Redd, you just aint right man.....LOL Don't be asking strangers for blowjobs.
|
Dave
Super Moderator
|
Posted: Thu Sep 9th, 2010 07:26 pm |
|
Redd wrote:
Randy in Pensacola wrote: Redd, you just aint right man.....LOL
Believe it or not Randy, ur not the 1st person ever said that. Lol. I'll admit that 1 was a little bit borderline.
Borderline my ass Redd, that was funny! LMAO!!!
But, you still ain't right! LOL...
|
Current time is 11:57 am | Page:   1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 ...   |
|
