| Author | Post |
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marc
Supporter
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Posted: Tue Nov 16th, 2004 07:46 pm |
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| LMAO. No thanx, I believe you.
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WILLIE
Supporter
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Posted: Tue Nov 16th, 2004 07:14 pm |
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Did you know that in the human body there is a nerve that connects the eyeball to the anus?
It is called the anal optic nerve.
It is responsible for giving people a shitty outlook on life.
If you don't believe it, pull a hair from your ass, and see if it doesn't bring a tear to your eye.
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WILLIE
Supporter
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Posted: Tue Nov 16th, 2004 07:13 pm |
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The Aging Process
Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids?
If you're less than ten years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.
"How old are you?"
"I'm four and a half." You're never 36 and a half.... you're four and a half going on 5
You get into your teens - now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number.
"How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16." You could be 12 but you're gonna be 16, eventually.
Then the great day of your life - you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony, You
BECOME 21....Yes!!
Then you turn 30. What happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk.
He TURNED - we had to throw him out. What's wrong? What changed?
You BECOME 21 but you TURN 30.
Then you're PUSHING 40...stay over there.
You REACH 50.
You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, you're PUSHING 40, you REACH 50, then you
MAKE IT to 60.
By then you've built up so much speed that you HIT 70. After that, it's a day by day thing.
You HIT Wednesday. You get into your 80's, you HIT lunch, you HIT 4:30.
My Grandmother won't even buy green bananas. "Well it's an investment,
you know, and maybe a bad one."
And it doesn't end there. Into the 90's and you start going backwards.
"I was JUST 92."
Then a strange thing happens - if you make it over 100 you become a
little kid again. "I'm 100 and a half."
Happy Aging!
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marc
Supporter
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Posted: Tue Nov 16th, 2004 04:14 pm |
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Here is a good one.
A man walks into the dentist's office and after the dentist examines him,
he says, "that tooth has to come out. I'm going to give you a shot of
Novocain and I'll be back in a few minutes."
The man grabs the doc's arm, "No way. I hate needles I'm not having any
shot!"
So the dentist says, "okay, we'll have to go with the gas."
The man replies, "absolutely not. It makes me very sick for a couple of
days. I'm not having gas."
So the dentist steps out and comes back with a glass of water, "here," he
says. "Take this pill."
The man asks "What is it?" The doc replies, "Viagra."
The man looks surprised, "will that kill the pain?" he asks.
"No," replies the dentist, "but it will give you something to hang on to while I pull your tooth!"
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Vero Steve
Super Moderator
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Posted: Mon Nov 15th, 2004 05:48 pm |
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| LMAO................................................
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marc
Supporter
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Posted: Sat Nov 13th, 2004 12:17 pm |
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LMAO! Love it. Always like to start my day off with a laugh.
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Randy in Pensacola
Super Moderator
| Joined: | Wed Nov 3rd, 2004 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 676 |
| Status: |
Offline
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Posted: Fri Nov 12th, 2004 11:18 pm |
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Jesus is watching
> > >
> > >A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight
> > >around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player
> > >to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the
> > >dark saying, "Jesus is watching you."
> > >
> > >He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and
> > >froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head,
> > >promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked
> > >the light on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he
> > >pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a
> > >bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you."
> > >
> > >Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for
> > >the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his
> > >flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
> > >
> > > "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot.
> > >
> > >"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to
> > >warn you."
> > >
> > >The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"
> > >
> > >"Moses," replied the bird.
> > >
> > >"Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a
> > >bird Moses?"
> > >
> > >"The kind of people that would name a rottweiler Jesus."
> >
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marc
Supporter
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Posted: Fri Nov 12th, 2004 01:56 pm |
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Why Men Can't Win
[size=2 sans-serif Helvetica, Arial,]If you work too hard, there is never any time for her.
If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum.
If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, it's exploitation.
If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your ass and find something better.
If you get a promotion ahead of her, it's favoritism.
If she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity.
If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment.
If you keep quiet, it's male indifference.
If you cry, you're a wimp.
If you don't, you're insensitive.
If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist pig, you bastard.
If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.
If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination.
If she asks you, it's a favor.
If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain.
If you don't, you're a slob.
If you buy her flowers, you're after something.
If you don't, you're not thoughtful.
If you're proud of your achievements, you're an egotist.
If you're not, you're not ambitious.
If she has a headache, she's tired.
If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore, and you must be sleeping around.
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Vero Steve
Super Moderator
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Posted: Fri Nov 12th, 2004 01:52 am |
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| Ya Think??.........LOL
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Vero Steve
Super Moderator
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Posted: Thu Nov 11th, 2004 01:36 am |
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| ROTFLMBO.......
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marc
Supporter
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Posted: Wed Nov 10th, 2004 08:20 pm |
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Love it! Looks like Kermit's gona get some nasty rug burn.
Now thats what I call a retriever. Playin with a bone! LMAO
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marc
Supporter
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Posted: Wed Nov 10th, 2004 07:02 pm |
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| ROTFLMAO!! Great, gona get some mileage outa this 1. Keep em comin.
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marc
Supporter
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Posted: Tue Nov 9th, 2004 01:16 pm |
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| Good 1 Dave! What's the name of that health plan? I wana join.
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marc
Supporter
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Posted: Mon Nov 8th, 2004 06:07 pm |
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| LMAO! Yeah I hear ya. It's all true.
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Randy in Pensacola
Super Moderator
| Joined: | Wed Nov 3rd, 2004 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 676 |
| Status: |
Offline
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Posted: Mon Nov 8th, 2004 05:53 pm |
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I stole this from Stu's board. I bothers me how many of these apply....
27 Signs That You're A Grown-Up
1. Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 5:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up.
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
10. You're the one calling the police because those damn kids next door
won't turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald’s leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 PM.
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather
than settle, your stomach.
19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and
pregnancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."
21. You actually eat breakfast at breakfast time.
22. "I just can't drink the way I used to," replaces, "I'm never going to
drink that much again."
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
24. You no longer drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25. MTV News is no longer your primary source of information.
26. Grocery lists are longer than macaroni & cheese, diet Pepsi, and Ho-Hos
27. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that
doesn't apply to you.
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marc
Supporter
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Posted: Mon Nov 8th, 2004 02:57 pm |
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| LMAO. Great!
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marc
Supporter
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Posted: Mon Nov 8th, 2004 12:24 pm |
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| LMAO. Gona get some yucks out a this 1.
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Vero Steve
Super Moderator
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Posted: Fri Nov 5th, 2004 04:41 pm |
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LMBO
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WILLIE
Supporter
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Posted: Fri Nov 5th, 2004 01:34 pm |
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NEVER TRUST A CANNIBAL
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Vero Steve
Super Moderator
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Posted: Fri Nov 5th, 2004 01:23 pm |
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| Hopefully there's no pictures of that..............
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