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Joke of the day...
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the preacher
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Joined: Wed Oct 17th, 2007
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 Posted: Sat Jul 5th, 2008 12:27 am

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good one marc. actually goes right along with the line the ones who are gonna put him in office are getting...and they are using two hands....roflmbo
RSDF

marc
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Joined: Thu Nov 4th, 2004
Location: Basking Ridge, New Jersey USA
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 Posted: Fri Jul 4th, 2008 11:35 pm

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An Amish farmer walking, notices a man drinking from his pond, with his hand.

The Amish man shouts: 'Trink das wasser nicht. Die kuhen haben dahin gesheissen.' Which means: 'Don't drink the water, the cows have pissed and shit in it.'

The man shouts back: 'I'm from New York and just down here campaigning for Obama, I can't understand you. Please speak in English.'

The Amish man says: 'Use two hands, you'll get more.'



empty
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Joined: Tue Jun 28th, 2005
Location: Plano, Texas USA
Posts: 1465
 Posted: Wed Jul 2nd, 2008 12:25 pm

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On Saturday afternoon, I was sitting in my lawn chair; drinking beer 
and watching my wife mow the lawn. 
 
The neighbor lady from across the street was so outraged that she came 
over and shouted at me, 'You should be hung!' 
 
I took a drink from my can of Miller Lite, wiped the cold foam from my 
lips, lifted my darkened Ray Ban sunglasses and stared directly into 
the eyes of this nosy ass neighbor and then calmly replied, 
'I am. That's why she cuts the grass.'

marc
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Joined: Thu Nov 4th, 2004
Location: Basking Ridge, New Jersey USA
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 Posted: Mon Jun 30th, 2008 08:05 pm

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Got this off another board...Pretty funny...

"14 songs that shouldn't be played in a bar"
 

OK folks, don't blast me for this, it's a JOKE!!! I actually like some of these songs, too. I just thought it was pretty funny...
There’s nothing worse than having a perfectly good drinking session ruined by a song that either doesn’t belong in a bar, has been crammed down your ears too many times, or just plain sucks.


14. ALL I WANNA DO – SHERYL CROW
WHO PLAYS THIS ON THE JUKE BOX: The 45-year-old wannabe cougar who, despite being totally beaten down by her dead-end job as a real estate agent, thinks she can relate to the free spiritedness this song represents. She could totally drink beer at noon on a Tuesday…if she didn’t have to be at work. And she could totally drive down Santa Monica Boulevard with some guy named Billy or Mac or Buddy…if she didn’t have to pick her kids up from soccer practice. So, instead of going all Thelma and Louise, she ends up dancing with her other cougar friends before calling it a night in time to catch Grey’s Anatomy.
WHY IT NEEDS TO BE RETIRED: When played at a bar, it does nothing but get a bunch of middle-aged women with fupas and gunts up on the dance floor who ask the DJ to play “Margaritaville” next.

13. MR. BRIGHTSIDE – THE KILLERS

WHO PLAYS THIS ON THE JUKE BOX: The wanna-be hipster. That’s right, he’s not a hipster, but he is choosing to become one. That’s like being potty trained and choosing to shit your pants. Unfortunately for him, the killers lost hipster credibility when they became profitable to a record label. So, even though he’s wearing a t-shirt featuring the tour dates of a band he’s never heard of, and really really tight jeans, once he’s popped this song on, other hipsters react like a Klu Klux Klansman hearing his buddy quote a Martin Lawrence movie.
WHY IT NEEDS TO RETIRE: The sound of the lead singer bellowing “I NEEEEVVVEEERRRR” towards the end of the song is reminiscent of the sound a man makes when he inadvertently sits on his testicles. The worst part about this song being picked in a juke box is that someone is definitely trying to say something about themselves, thus the next two selections his dollar provided is going to be even more shitty emo. By the end, you’ll want to take the Pabst Blue Ribbon he’s forcing himself to drink and lodge it in your windpipe.

12. R.E.M. – IT’S THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT (AND I FEEL FINE)

WHO PLAYS THIS ON THE JUKE BOX: The bespectacled, sweater-wearing grad schooler who wants to play a song that shows off his knowledge of political and world affairs. He almost puts on Billy Joel’s “We Didn’t Start The Fire” but figured REM might make him look a little hipper. But his inability to talk to the opposite sex compels him to explain every cultural reference in the lyrics. “Did you know Leonid Brezhnev served as leader of the Communist party longer than anyone except Stalin? It’s true. And Lester Bangs was an influential music writer who wrote for Rolling Stone and Creem magazines. Hey, where are you going? ” WHY IT NEEDS TO BE RETIRED: Everyone who hears this song thinks they can sing along, but they always end up screwing up the words. So you get a bar full of people screaming, “That’s great it starts with an earthquake…birds…Lenny Bruce!…hurricane…LEONARD BERNSTEIN…oh wait, that comes later.”

11. DANCING QUEEN – ABBA

WHO PLAYS THIS ON THE JUKE BOX: She’s a shy wallflower with lots of acne in her mid-20s who still reads Sweet Valley High books and plays with her My Little Pony dolls. This song represents her fairy tale dream where she steps onto the dance floor and wows all the guys with her graceful moves. At the end of the night she’s swept off her feet by a handsome Prince Charming who takes her away in a chariot led by 10 mighty steeds. Later that evening, she realizes she’s in a rusty 1984 Datsun and the guy next to her has a pizza stain on his Foreigner T-shirt and he’s asking her to chip in for gas money.
WHY IT NEEDS TO BE RETIRED: It’s disco.

10. SWEET HOME ALABAMA – LYNYRD SKYNYRD

WHO PLAYS THIS ON THE JUKE BOX: Look to the bar, there’s probably a gentleman there who’s wearing a flannel shirt with black sleeves. Upon closer inspection, you’ll realize he’s wearing a sleeveless flannel shirt, and what you thought were sleeves are actually a dark, dense fur that’s made a home on in his shoulders and upper arms. He’ll meander up to the juke box and stare it for ten minutes looking through every album twice, because unlike the sex he has with his obese wife, he’s in no rush to finish. When he selects the song, watch closely, because as it begins to play, he’ll say the words “turn it up,” then hold his hand up and when Skynyrd says “turn it up,” he’ll drop his hand down, signifying that he correctly predicted Skynyrd would say this as well.
WHY IT NEEDS TO RETIRE: If Lynyrd Skynyrd had a Juke Box at their house, I’m pretty sure this wouldn’t be on it. This song, much like Jenna Jameson’s vagina, once was great, but years of non-stop commercialized rocking have made it unsuitable for use.

9. DON’T STOP BELIEVING – JOURNEY

WHO PLAYS THIS ON THE JUKE BOX: The middle aged guy who’s still in the suit he bought just to make sure he landed the Peterson account, which he did! But he knows it’s Friday now, time to order some chicken fingers and let loose! Right before he plays the song, he’ll talk to his buddies about how they should totally take a trip to Vegas together. “Fuck it, let’s just do it.” Then they’ll all check their blackberries to find that they either have a prostate exam, a kid’s play to go to, or “wife wants to go see her parents so I kind of got to keep my weekends open for whenever that will be.” Then they’ll sit in silence until one of them leaves and heads to the juke box to make this ass kicking selection.
WHY IT NEEDS TO RETIRE: This song is as played out as Steve Perry is ugly. Whenever it’s selected on a juke box, it’s like a time out is being called from having fun. If this still pumps you up to hear, you probably also get pumped up when your wife says stuff like “I rented the first season of that show “The Closer” that my sister recommended. Maybe if I’m not too tired afterwards we’ll have sex or something

8. SMOOTH – CARLOS SANTANA AND ROB THOMAS

WHO PLAYS THIS ON THE JUKE BOX: The mega brodawg wearing a white bandana and rings on his fingers who “cannot believe!” that his “main man” Carlos Santana got together with the lead singer of the “totally best fuckin’ band ever” Matchbox Twenty. Seriously, this has “gotta be the best jam of all time, bro.” He’s pretty sure that the only way a better song would come along is if “Jimi came back from the dead to play with, like, Mozart, bro. Totally.”
WHY IT NEEDS TO BE RETIRED: It’s a washed-up guitarist joining forces with the world’s blandest singer to write a song that my parent’s older friend’s like (honestly). This song should only be played on the jukebox in homes for the deaf.

7. HOTEL CALIFORNIA - THE EAGLES

WHO PLAYS THIS ON THE JUKE BOX: The college freshman who just “discovered music” and is “getting into” the “deep and heavy lyrics.” This gateway song will lead this young man into an ill-advised Steve Miller concert, Pink Floyd posters on his dorm walls and, tragically, the purchase of a Phish album. If you see these signs in anyone attempting to use the jukebox, call the authorities immediately.
WHY IT NEEDS TO BE RETIRED: This song has been played so much even Glenn Frey and Don Henley stab their own ears with icepicks whenever they hear it. Killing someone for playing it is legal in 13 states.

6. I WILL SURVIVE – GLORIA GAYNOR

WHO PLAYS THIS ON THE JUKE BOX: The 39 year old newly divorced woman whose friends have taken her to a bar where they’re all ten years older than the everyone in the bar, including the manager. After a 45 minute session where she and her friends repeatedly convince her that “any guy in this bar would fuck you. I’m telling you, Janice. You show me one other person who’s had three kids and is as hot as you!” she downs her last cosmo and makes a beeline for the juke box. She confidently plays this song, and as the beginning piano solo comes in, she turns around towards her friends as they all excitedly scream in unison, then begin singing. Behind them a group of 25 year old frat guys say “How many beers to take down the grandma?”
WHY IT NEEDS OT RETIRE: Nothing kills a buzz faster than having a group of people next to you get up and sing a song with the same passion and intensity of Russell Crowe speech from Gladiator, then suddenly sitting down once the song is over. Attempting to empower yourself by singing a 70s disco song tells the whole bar “I have low self esteem. Talk to me later when I’m drunk and there’s a good chance I’ll fuck you.”

5. MEATLOAF – PARADISE BY THE DASHBOARD LIGHT

WHO PLAYS THIS ON THE JUKE BOX: With his over-the-top Broadway theatrics and his over-the-belt belly fat, Meatloaf attracts the tubby, pony-tailed husky guy who thinks to himself, “Hey, if a great big fatass like Meatloaf can pull this off, then I can too. Because I am also a great big fatass.” He then proceeds to try and out Meatloaf Meatloaf by undoing his pony tail for full hair-flip effect, props one knee on a table and sings along as loud as he possibly can. When he tries to get a girl to do the “let me sleep on it” part she politely declines and he’s forced to sing both the male and female parts by himself. Moments after the song is over he goes home, very alone.
WHY IT NEEDS TO BE RETIRED: First off, it’s eight minutes long. Secondly, it’s shitty Meatloaf singing about having sex in a car. The man is too fat to have sex in a barn. I’m pretty sure those are the only two reasons you need.

4. KID ROCK – BAWIDABA

WHO PLAYS THIS ON THE JUKE BOX: He’s got a lifted truck that’s most likely powered by gasoline and “deez nuts.” He’s pounding bud lights sitting at the bar in a shirt that’s either sleeveless, or with sleeves short enough to show off the tattoo he got to commemorate the animal that most closely resembles the demeanor he displayed while playing middle linebacker in high school. He’s also a few beers deep and “there’s a lotta fatties and uptight bitches in this place,” so it’s vital that he take it upon himself to “fucking rock THIS SHIT brother.” He walks over to the juke box while maintaining a full body flex and enters the numbers for this song. Then he nods his head approvingly, as if to say to everyone “Don’t worry, you’re about to see what I picked and it’s gonna take your nuts and shove them inside your asshole, bro.”
WHY IT NEEDS TO RETIRE: Unlike some other songs on the list, this was never an acceptable juke box selection. The only time this is an appropriate selection is when you’re a stripper working the mid-day shift and you need a pick me up because you’re feeling gassy from the free hot dog lunch buffet your club was offering.

3. ANYTHING BY THE BEATLES - THE BEATLES

WHO PLAYS THIS ON THE JUKE BOX: He or she is around 55 and although they seriously considered a cut off the Beach Boys “Pet Sounds” album, “you just can’t go wrong with the beatles.” They’re wearing Teva Sandles and a sweater from whatever college their son or daughter attended. They don’t go to the bar that often, but hey, who doesn’t love a good margarita. Maybe it’ll get them drunk enough to have sex with their significant other who has become disgusting with age! They’ll probably be sitting with several other older people who are waiting for just the right time to pull out their story about when they first heard this beatles song, which will be a lie, since the actual first time they heard it they were smoking laced weed while awkwardly looking for a place to shoot their load in the circle jerk that just “sort of happened.”
WHY IT NEEDS TO RETIRE: Before you freak the fuck out, we’re not saying the Beatles suck. The Beatles are a legendary and influential band and because of that, everybody has heard every one of their songs so many times that it feels like you’re living in North Korea and its propaganda spewing from megaphones mounted in the street.

2. PIANO MAN – BILLY JOEL

WHO PLAYS THIS ON THE JUKE BOX: The lonely guy wearing a suit, who just took off his sportcoat, loosened his tie and undid the top button on his shirt. After ordering a scotch and soda he asks the bartender where he was when this song came out. Instead of listening to the guy’s answer, he immediately starts telling him how he came this close to signing to the Mets farm team and how his wife left him because he worked too much and that he really wanted to be a astronaut when he was a kid. Hours later, when he’s finally done with his pity party and gets up to leave, he doesn’t even notice that the bartender hung himself with a bar towel.
WHY IT NEEDS TO BE RETIRED: It makes everyone over 37 all weepy and sad as they sit there and reminisce about all their hope and dreams that never came true. And it makes everyone under 37 furious with murderous rage because they have to listen to this shitty song one more time.

1. AMERICAN PIE – DON MCLEAN

WHO PLAYS THIS ON THE JUKE BOX: The 55-year-old hippie who’s long, thinning hair and tie-dyed T-shirt scream desperation for a bye-gone era. He’ll spend the entire 8:32 of this epic ballad telling you how much better things were back in the 1960s because the youth actually fought for something. Then, because this song is so goddamn long, he’ll run out of boring stories and will start telling you his “secrets he learned in ‘Nam” that the government invented cancer and that LSD is the only true form of learning. Once it’s finally over, he’ll ask you to sign a petition to legalize hash.
WHY IT NEEDS TO BE RETIRED: It’s an eight-minute long shitty folk ballad that has long outlived it’s welcome. It needs to die.

"Beer is proof that God loves us, and wants us to be happy." --Benjamin Franklin


Vero Steve
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Joined: Thu Nov 4th, 2004
Location: Hurricane Alley, Florida USA
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 Posted: Fri Jun 27th, 2008 06:00 pm

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The wife called me a little while ago and said

" lets go some place to night really extravagant and expensive for a change"

I suggested the gas station but I don't think it went over well.............:cool:

zippo
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Joined: Tue Jan 25th, 2005
Location: Who The Hell Knows, Mexico
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 Posted: Wed Jun 25th, 2008 06:05 pm

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Running Nude In The Rain

A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work.
One wet and lusty day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror,
she
heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.

'Oh my God - Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband's
home early!'

'I can't jump out the window ~ It's raining out there!'
'If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!' she replied. He's
got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems!'

So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the
window!

As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly
discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon,
so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them.

Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as
best he could. After a little while a small group of runners who had been
watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer.

'Do you always run in the nude?' one asked.

'Oh yes!' he replied, gasping in air. 'It feels so wonderfully free!'

Another runner moved along side. 'Do you always run carrying your clothes
with you under your arm?'

'Oh , yes,' our friend answered breathlessly. 'That way I can get dressed
right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!'

Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried, 'Do you
always wear a condom when you run? '

'Nope.........just when it's raining.'
 

Redd
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Joined: Sun Jul 24th, 2005
Location: Sault Ste. Marie, Ontario Canada
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 Posted: Tue Jun 24th, 2008 11:45 pm

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A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation was sitting in their pews and talking.
Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.

Everyone started screaming and running for the back entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.
 

Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.

So Satan walked up to the man and said,
'Do you know who I am?'


The man replied,
'Yep, sure do.'

'Aren't you afraid of me?' Satan asked.

'Nope, sure ain't.'
 said the man.

'Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?' asked Satan.

'Don't doubt it for a minute,' returned the old man, in an even tone.

'Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying AGONY for all eternity?' persisted Satan.

'Yep,'
was the calm reply.

'And you're still not afraid?'
asked Satan.

'Nope,' said the old man..

More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, 'Why aren't you afraid of me?' 
 
The man calmly replied,
'Been married to your sister for 48 years.'  





[size= ]

marc
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Joined: Thu Nov 4th, 2004
Location: Basking Ridge, New Jersey USA
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 Posted: Tue Jun 24th, 2008 01:39 pm

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Don't know if it is true but I think it is funny as hell...

"will d.letterman fry for this one?"
 
DAVID LETTERMAN IS IN TROUBLE WITH NASCAR!!!!

David Letterman will surely get some 'flak' from the NAACP and the Reverends Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson will go nuts!!!

David Letterman's Top 10 reasons why there are no black NASCAR drivers:
# 10 - Have to sit upright while driving.
# 9 - Pistol won't stay under front seat.
# 8 - Engine noise drowns out the rap music.
# 7 - Pit crew can't work on car while holding up pants at the same
time.
# 6 - They keep trying to carjack Dale Earnhardt Jr.
# 5 - Police cars on track interfere with race.
# 4 - No passenger seat for the Ho.
# 3 - No Cadillacs approved for competition.
# 2 - When they crash their cars, they bail out & run.
AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON WHY BLACKS CAN'T BE IN NASCAR..............
# 1 - They can’t wear their helmets sideways

Vero Steve
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Joined: Thu Nov 4th, 2004
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 Posted: Tue Jun 24th, 2008 11:53 am

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A man boards an airliner, takes his seat, and is surprised to find a large purple parrot in the seat next to him.  The aircraft takes off and a pretty flight attendant walks down the aisle past the man and his seat mate. 
 
'Hey, bitch,' says the parrot, 'bring me a whiskey and soda, and make it snappy!'  The  Flight Attendant  looks annoyed, but walks on. 
 
A minute later, she walks back up the aisle, and the parrot pipes up again: Damn it, you lazy whore, where's my whiskey? Hurry it up!' 
 
Visibly flustered, the Flight Attendant  hurries up the aisle and returns quickly with the parrot's drink.  
 
Impressed with the parrot's technique, the man decides to get some quick service for himself. 'Hey, slut,' says the man, 'get me a dry marti ni. And don't drag your sorry ass - I want it right now!' 
 
The Flight Attendant turns red with anger and runs to the  front of the plane. In a Moment she returns with the First Officer and two burly male flight attendants.  The crewmen seize the passenger and the parrot, jerk open the emergency door, and hurl them both out of the airplane at 20,000 feet. 
 
As the two hurtle out the door, the parrot says to the man,  'Ya know, for someone who can't fly, you got a lotta balls.'


 

jeffy ole boy
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 Posted: Tue Jun 24th, 2008 02:10 am

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[size=Twelve Italian priests were about to be ordained.  ]The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally nude, in a garden while a sexy, beautiful, big breasted, nude model danced before them.
Each priest had a small bell attached to his weenie, and they were told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.
The beautiful model danced before the first candidate. No reaction.
She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the priests until she got to the final priest, Carlos.
Poor Carlos. As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it flew off, clattering across the ground and laid to rest in nearby foliage.  Embarrassed, Carlos quickly scrambled to where the bell came to restHe bent over to pick it up...........then all the other bells started to ring.

marc
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Joined: Thu Nov 4th, 2004
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 Posted: Mon Jun 23rd, 2008 04:42 pm

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"Ga. redneck"
 
Happy Hour In Georgia

A redneck is driving down a back road in Georgia. A sign in front of a restaurant reads:

HAPPY HOUR SPECIAL

"LOBSTER TAIL AND BEER"

"Lord Almighty" he says to himself, "My three favorite things



Dave
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Location: Monrovia, California USA
Posts: 3671
 Posted: Fri Jun 20th, 2008 06:50 pm

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zippo wrote:

Words of wisdom from that famous philosopher

Willie Nelson, on his 75th birthday:




"I have outlived my dick."

LMAO!!!

zippo
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Location: Who The Hell Knows, Mexico
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 Posted: Fri Jun 20th, 2008 03:56 pm

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Words of wisdom from that famous philosopher
 
 Willie Nelson, on his 75th birthday:


  
 
    "I have outlived my dick."

jeffy ole boy
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Location: By Bridge On The River, Indiana USA
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 Posted: Mon Jun 16th, 2008 08:58 pm

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A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring.
 
The guy knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative, macho fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in fashion sense.

He walks up to him and says, ''I didn't know you were into earrings.''

''Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring,'' he replies sheepishly.

His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to ask, ''So, how long have you been wearing one?''

''Ever since my wife found it in my truck

Dave
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 Posted: Sat Jun 14th, 2008 02:12 pm

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1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.

I was Catholic, ex-Wife thought I was Satan...LOL

marc
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Joined: Thu Nov 4th, 2004
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 Posted: Sat Jun 14th, 2008 02:09 pm

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"29 lines to make U smile"
 
1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.
2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
4.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
5... Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
6.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
7.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
8.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe
9.. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.
10... Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
11.. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
12.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
13.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
14.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
15.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
16.. Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!
17.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
18 . Procrastinate Now!
19.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
20.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
21.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
22.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
23..They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
24.. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD
25.. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
26.. Ham and eggs...A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
27.. The trouble with life is there's no background music.
28.. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
29.. I smile because I don't know what the heck is going on.

empty
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Location: Plano, Texas USA
Posts: 1465
 Posted: Fri Jun 13th, 2008 01:45 am

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A man comes home from work and finds his wife admiring her breasts in
the mirror.


He asks, "What are you doing?"

She replies, "I went to the doctor today, and he told me that I have
the breasts of a 25 year old.


The husband retorts, "Well, what did he say about your 50 year old
ass?"


She replies, "Frankly dear, your name never came up."

Dave
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Joined: Wed Nov 3rd, 2004
Location: Monrovia, California USA
Posts: 3671
 Posted: Thu Jun 12th, 2008 04:50 pm

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Snow White & The Seven Dwarfs(A Political Fable)

The seven dwarfs always left to go work in the mine early each morning. As always, Snow White stayed home doing her domestic chores.

As lunchtime approached, she would prepare their lunch and carry it to the mine.

One day as she arrived at the mine with the lunch, she saw that there had been a terrible cave-in.Tearfully, and fearing the worst, Snow White beg an calling out, hoping against hope that the dwarfs had somehow survived.

'Hello!...Hello!' she shouted. 'Can anyone hear me? Hello!'

For a long while, there was no answer. Losing hope, Snow White again shouted, 'Hello! Is anyone any one there?'

Just as she was about to give up all hope, she heard a faint voice from deep within the mine, singing . . ... 'Vote for Barack Obama! - Vote for Barack Obama!'

Snow White fell to her knees, crossed herself and prayed, 'Oh, thank you, God! At least Dopey is still alive...

empty
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 Posted: Tue Jun 10th, 2008 03:44 pm

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In a small Texas town,  Drummond's bar began construction on a new building
to increase their business. The local Baptist church started a campaign
to block the bar from opening with petitions and prayers. Work progressed
right up till the week before opening when lightning struck the bar and it
burned to the ground.

The church folks were rather smug in their outlook after that, until the
bar owner sued the church on the grounds that the church was ultimately
responsible for the demise of his building, either through direct or indirect
actions or means. The church vehemently denied all responsibility or any
connection to the building's demise in its reply to the court.

As the case made its way into court, the judge looked over the paperwork. At
the hearing he commented, "I don't know how I'm going to decide this, but
as it appears from the paperwork, we have a bar owner who believes in the
power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that does not."

jeffy ole boy
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Location: By Bridge On The River, Indiana USA
Posts: 2370
 Posted: Sun Jun 8th, 2008 07:24 pm

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And that was no doubt a true story......LOL!!


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